RFC 9001 - The Feelings Transport Protocol (FTP)

Status of This Memo

This memo defines an experimental protocol for the unreliable, lossy, and emotionally stateful transmission of feelings across human and semi-human systems. Distribution of this memo is unlimited; comprehension is not guaranteed.

1. Abstract

The Feelings Transport Protocol (FTP) specifies a mechanism for transmitting subjective internal states (“feelings”) between endpoints that lack a shared ontology, clock, or emotional checksum. FTP is optimized for ambiguity, latency, and misinterpretation, while providing optional extensions for regret, sarcasm, and overthinking.

2. Terminology

Feeling: A payload whose meaning changes upon inspection.

Sender: An endpoint that believes it knows what it is feeling.

Receiver: An endpoint that believes it understands what was meant.

Silence: A control frame with infinite interpretations.

“I’m fine”: A reserved keyword indicating protocol failure.

3. Design Goals

FTP is designed to:

Maximize expressive bandwidth while minimizing clarity

Allow retransmission of old feelings without warning

Support out-of-order delivery (“By the way, three weeks ago…”)

Fail gracefully into awkward pauses

FTP explicitly does not guarantee:

Mutual understanding

Timely acknowledgment

Emotional idempotency

4. Packet Structure

An FTP packet consists of the following fields:

+----------------+----------------+
| Header | Mood Flags |
+----------------+----------------+
| Payload | Subtext |
+----------------+----------------+
| Unsaid Data | Regret Trailer |
+----------------+----------------+

4.1 Mood Flags

Common flags include:

HAPPY – May be misread as SARCASTIC

TIRED – Overrides all other flags

FINE – Signals critical error

JUST_JOKING – Set after damage is done

5. Handshake Procedure

Sender: “Can I tell you something?”

Receiver: “Sure.”

(Protocol state irreversibly changes)

No cryptographic guarantees are made at this stage.

6. Encryption and Trust

FTP supports End-to-End Vulnerability (E2EV) by default.

Trust establishment follows a Trust On First Overshare (TOFO) model:

The first deeply personal disclosure permanently alters the trust graph.

Revocation is possible but socially expensive.

Key rotation occurs during:

Long walks

Late nights

Car rides with no music

7. Error Handling

7.1 Common Errors

MISINTERPRETATION
Receiver decodes payload using personal trauma codec.

OVERREACTION
Receiver allocates excessive resources to a low-priority feeling.

UNDERREACTION
Sender retries with increased volume and historical examples.

GHOSTING_TIMEOUT
Receiver fails to ACK within an undefined emotional window.

7.2 Recovery

Recovery often involves:

Apologies

Snacks

Time

Or pretending nothing happened (deprecated but widely implemented)

8. Backward Compatibility

FTP is backward compatible with:

Passive aggression

Polite nodding

“That’s interesting” responses

It is not compatible with:

Mind reading

Perfect timing

Telepathy (still draft)

9. Security Considerations

FTP is vulnerable to:

Replay attacks (“You always do this”)

Man-in-the-middle advice

Side-channel leaks via tone

Implementers are advised to:

Validate assumptions

Rate-limit venting

Enable the LISTEN extension

10. IANA Considerations

No port number has been assigned.
FTP typically tunnels over:

Coffee

Walks

Text messages sent at 2:13 AM

11. Conclusion

FTP remains the most widely deployed protocol in human history despite:

Poor documentation

Undefined semantics

No reference implementation

Its continued use suggests that perfection is optional, but sincerity is not.